"What the hell will happen with yoga?"

 I am still pondering the question explored last week, "What the hell will happen with yoga?" 

We humans are still our ancient biology, highly adaptable, responsive and intelligent, yet slow to evolve. We have nervous systems that operate like our mammalian relatives - fight, flight, freeze response to anything remotely threatening to survival. 

Yet our modern life is fast, technological and perpetually new. And in reality, less threatening than it was for our ancient ancestors. Our nerves cannot discern between different levels of threat, let alone the difference between road rage or a hungry tiger. Nerves are designed to respond to stimuli, and send a message to the oldest part of our brain, the limbic, to mobilize the body or not. Our consciousness on the other hand, a more recent development of our brain, the pre-frontal cortex, learns to discern.  

Yoga gives us a chance to integrate this dichotomy.  It gives us time that is intentionally slower and spacious. It gives our nerves time to rest from constant stimuli, real and/or perceived threats big and small. It gives our consciousness and biology a chance to conjoin and communicate with each other. Allowing a pause for consciousness to witness what is happening in the body and discern between what is true or not, an actual threat or perceived threat, past or present. 

I believe if we try to bring yoga up to the speed of modernity - we are missing the point, we are missing an opportunity to actually integrate the slow process of evolution and sustainable change that is necessary for our species to adapt to inevitable change. 

I've observed in the last 3-4 years teaching yoga, that it takes considerably more time for our nervous system to settle on the mat. Being sensitive to this energy (and sometimes not knowing exactly what it was trying to communicate) I would sometimes feel the desire to move through a power vinyasa flow that would match the nervous energy in the room. Other times, when I listened well, what was actually needed is for the nerves is to slow down, for the nervous system to recalibrate, in the form of slow vinyasa, forward folds, and long savasanas. This later choice always ended well, with restful bodies and blissed out minds (lets be clear, yoga almost always ends well regardless and power vinyasa or the like can also end with bliss.) But the more I chose the power vinyasa route while there was a ton of nervous energy in the room, the more my intuition would tell me otherwise about halfway through - and being too far in to turn around - my solution was "okay, let's make sure we have a good long savasana."  

Nowadays, a good long savasana by itself is enough.

This is not an essay on what type of yoga is best for our times. Any type and any amount of yoga practiced will be highly beneficial. That's the beauty of yoga. 

The point is to calm the nerves that are increasingly overstimulated in our modern world. A powerful vinyasa practice can do this when the breath is highly regulated. But, if our nervous system stays in sympathetic mode (fight or flight) on the mat, we are bringing yoga up to speed, so to speak, to our unregulated nervous system. What if we thought of bringing our body, nerves and mind to the speed of yoga? Yoga is deliberately slower, compared to our modern technological world, as its aim is to unite the restless mind (and nerves) with body and spirit, which helps shift the nervous system to parasympathetic mode (rest and restore). 

To attempt to answer the question posed at the beginning of this essay, sometimes yoga is boring. Yoga as a practice can seem mundane. Mundane, defined as the day-to-day ordinary, can be very boring. This is especially true in an environment of perpetual newness and stimulation. 

We need to remember that our biology is ancient and highly intelligent. When we allow our consciousness to pay close attention and listen to the information being transmitted we have amazing opportunities for not just the bliss of pure presence but also conscious adaptation to our changing environment. 

I believe that we can approach yoga as something like an Oak tree that adapts to change of seasons, has roots as deep as its branches extend, is something we can lean into and be supported by her undeniable strength and persistence. I believe we can enter the practice like a river, being in the flow. Sometimes we are the water that overflows with energy, its' force shaping the Earth into the channels that contains it. Sometimes we are the water that is slow and meandering. Often times its both. 

Inauguration Day

Today is a day we will not forget. Like other significant markers of history and delineations of era's; when the prefixes "pre" and "post" define timelines. Years from now we will recall where we were, what we were doing, where otherwise ordinary details are the set and setting of the extraordinary circumstance. 

What is so extraordinary about today? 

First the good news, the highest seat, so far, that a woman will take in U.S. leadership begins today. 

Second, regardless of political standpoint and whether or not you are in favor of the elected 46th president, we nearly lost our democracy. Democracy is who we are. Until we are able to discover and consciously create an even better form of political organization, I believe democracy is the best we have for where we realistically fall on the scale of collective conscious evolution. I would like to believe that we are ready for something greater, perhaps something more utopian. Yet, what has been revealed in recent years is that we as a country are severely traumatized. Our countries' most haunting shadows and demons no longer linger in the dark, they were brought to light in the last four years. Uneasy as it is, it is the only way to heal, transform and evolve in an integrated way that is not bypassing the issues that persist when not acknowledged and dealt with. 

Today, we begin to heal. 

It was brought to my attention that I might reconsider having class today as it is a block from the State Capitol building where there is plausible risk of violent protests of today's inauguration. As valid as it is, I instead have chosen to not miss this opportunity to practice being present, awake and nonreactive as possible on a historical and intensified day. And, as I love to say, to be in the eye of the storm. To some, choosing to sit in meditation or practice mindfulness (or other seemingly nonproductive or action oriented things), while there are real issues to deal with, might be considered bypass and an elite privilege. However true that may be, it is also true that there comes a time when attention shifts where it is needed most. And that time is different for each individual and each moment. Some are called to take action, to demonstrate, to speak, to celebrate. All rightful expressions. 

Right now, the moment for me calls to be still and objective. To hold conscious awareness within myself, and those who show up. There is immense power in the invisible energy of conscious awareness. The expansion of our unified field of consciousness is nondiscriminatory; it envelopes all and assists in the healing that is necessary as we move forward.

Expansion Contraction

 One of the most basic laws of the Universe is the law of polarity. The law of polarity says that "everything can be separated into two wholly opposite parts, and that each of those still contains the potentiality of the other." And that both are only different expressions of the same thing. That same thing being energy, the Divine, God, however you frame it it is source energy. And everything is made from source energy, particles of stars. The expression of this energy is boundless, and infinite. 

    

We cannot have day without night, left without right, expansion without contraction or an inhale without an exhale. There is no beginning or end of either, it is cyclical and continuous. We live in a world of duality, a world of positive and negatives, polarizing forces. Nature works this way. Even the way that trees grow. If not for polarizing energy and magnetics, how would the tree draw sap from its roots in spring, and pull nutrients from its limbs in fall?   

We see this in yoga, in the simple expression of a sun salutation. Extension (arms reach up), flexion (forward fold), extension (up dog), flexion (downward dog). In fact, it is this very vinyasa sequence, surya namaskar, that the ancient yogis aimed to connect with the natural rhythms and cycles of nature that they witnessed in their daily experience. The rhythm of day flowing to night, new moon to full moon, and on a much bigger scale the movement of the cosmos. One vinyasa cycle within the other, synchronized. The practice of surya namaskar synched with breath was (and still is) a way to become acutely aware of and tuned into the embodiment of the innate rhythm of the universe.  In this practice, there is potential to experience balance between the two opposites. In fact, this sequence that is practiced by millions today all over the world, is rooted - if not birthed from - tantra yoga. In its essence tantra yoga is the weaving of life; the weaving of our inner and outer experiences as one in the same;  and is conscious embodied experiences that connect us with the divine or God. This post is not an attempt to define tantra yoga, but tantra yoga exemplifies a way to navigate the ebbs and flow - the contractions and expansions - of life as an inevitable rhythm. 

Cosmically, and therefore collectively, we are in a huge contraction phase. We can see this in the alignment of the planets, specifically Saturn conjunct Pluto, and we don't have to look far to see it in nearly all aspects and systems of our life right now. It is no coincidence. Historically speaking the planetary alignments similar to the current chart coincided with major historical events, that as one cosmologist, Richard Tarnas in his book Cosmos and Pysche, says represents a contractive period. Where conflict and violence dominate not just in one locale, but across the globe. Saturn governs authority, solidity, security, tradition, status quo, order and system. Pluto governs the dark shadow and represents transformation. He also says in this book, that periods of contraction are almost always followed by alignments that have repeatedly been creative and innovative. Expansive! 

In this seemingly world of duality, we need to remember that one cannot be separate from the other. Polarizing forces coexist. Just like when day turns to night, the same sun continues to shine on Earth. From the sun's perspective, nothing has changed. So, ultimately reality is non-dual. Duality is a matter of perspective. 

Yoga teaches us that we are always under the influence of the gunas, or the qualities of nature, which includes the opposing, or complimentary, forces of tatvas (inertia) and rajas (action).  We will find ourselves operating from one of those forces at any given moment. The practice can direct us towards sattva, harmony between the extreme fluctuations of tattvas and rajas. This is the space in between. 

The space in between can be mirrored in the heart center, or heart chakra. In fact it is central to our lower and upper halves and energy centers, it is central to left (masculine) and right (feminine) sides of our body, it is central in how we connect emphatically with one another, it is central to compassion. It is central to our electromagnetic field that has immense capacity to expand and hold within it both ends of the spectrum and all the possibilities that have yet to be known. Our heart beat is like the undying steady pulse of the universe. 

Duality is familiar to us. Perhaps, we even find comfort in identifying with one side or other. But what if we identified less with what we know and explore the other side, or multiple sides, without identifying with it or denying it?  This is similar to what the yogis refer to as "riding the waves of the gunas".  

As we can see with the innate rhythms of nature and the planets, it is all cycles within cycles. One continuation from one extreme to the other. Synching to this rhythm is presence, is yoga, is freedom. Pure presence can be expansive for the mind as it is detached from either/or thinking. Pure presence is tapping into the field of potentiality. Here we are more open to receive new ideas, solutions or new ways of thinking and being that are beyond our current familiar dualistic experience. 

Sage Closes

On Tuesday I heard the news that Sage, my beloved yoga studio, was closing permanently. When I read the message from Marisa, tears immediately came. It was a shock to me and to everyone. It's as if a wild fire came through and has burned the house down.

Fire is unforgiving and consumes everything in its path. Fire also provides the heat and energy that change and transformation requires. Fire can be equally beautiful as it provides the light so that we can see in the dark. It is cleansing and purifying - because what is left in its path is fertile ground.

The "house" of Sage has been home to so many. It has been a refuge. A refuge is considered a place of safety, a place of shelter and protection from external stressors, be it environmental, societal, cultural or economical. A place of refuge offers a unique opportunity to have all the basic needs taken care of, providing the freedom to explore the interior space of the Self, the spiritual heart, without the normal distractions of life. In the space of refuge we can operate less from our ego and more from the heart. Without a doubt, Sage has been a true refuge. 

A physical space dedicated to spiritual practices certainly nurtures refuge in an immediate way. It makes it easier to access the heart when coming from work, from being with the kids all day, from the street and traffic, from confrontation with daily life. When I walk into the studio at Sage, I exhale, I let go of everything else outside of me. I am grounded. I feel protected. I am free.

Sage has been a hub of the great wheel of yoga in our community for nearly a decade. I recall sitting with Marisa, Heather Earl, Kendra Womack and Mark Ickes discussing and envisioning a yoga studio and center in Boise. There was nothing like it in Boise at that time. All of us at that table felt the void and the ripe potential for it. Our shared passion for yoga was bursting, and we wanted to create something for the community to represent the diversity of yoga and to provide a safe and welcoming space for yoga. Marisa and Heather took a leap of faith and made it happen. Sage was born. Since, it has grown into a mature banyan tree where new roots drip from it's branches.

Sage is a good representation of the yoga tree of life. Roots as deep and as wide as the limbs above. Diverse expansive branches that express the different pathways that all lead to the same place - self- realization, awakening, consciousness, bliss. Marisa has welcomed all branches, all walks of life, and she has provided a space for teachers to be who they are. To teach authentically. In so doing, students feel welcome to be who they are. This is yoga. A dissolution of the perceived boundaries that reinforce separation. The openness and freedom that Marisa innately planted as a virtue at Sage yields to the unseen mysterious unfolding and continuous evolution of yoga. We are the evolution of yoga. We are not simple observers of yoga, its history, its practices, its philosophy and its future as a separate thing that we "do".  We are yoga. Because yoga is personal, as it is universal. Yoga is the observer and observed influenced by one another; and is the weaving, the thread and the tapestry. Marisa, the teachers, the students of Sage have demonstrated this beautifully.  With Marisa's arms spread wide, holding the container, Sage organically ran itself because of each teacher, student, check-in staff, therapists came with integrity, dedication and selfless service to some higher good that we all aspire for.

Yoga calls on us in many ways. An advanced practitioner of yoga is acutely aware of her surroundings, is present to what is (whether it is pain or pleasure, difficulty or ease), while holding the pose - seated meditation, warrior, savasana or holding the metaphorical pose of life - while still being able to take a deep breath; and continues to sharpen her sword of discernment that severs truth from untruth. A leader is unafraid to honor truth, has courage to face adversity head on, to pivot to unpredictable change and forge a new path. When the house is on fire, a courageous brave leader runs into the house and does what she can to put the fire out. Sometimes the fire is too wild and big, and it takes the courage of million hearts to standby and witness the blaze, to let go and surrender to that which is beyond human capacity to control.

I believe Marisa has shown this to us in her teachings, her establishment of the space, and creating the opportunities for us all to practice together - classes, workshops, trainings, YogaFort to name a few. And she has done it with such grace and admiration.

The closing of Sage is another great unfortunate loss that we are experiencing as a result of the pandemic. I am sure we will see more in the second half of this year and into 2021. It is heartbreaking and devastating to say the least. It is beyond any control. Like Marisa said, it is impossible to keep a business afloat while being closed. As a small business owner, I too have been struggling for the last three months - opening, closing, opening with 50% less capacity - and managing the stress and anxiety that comes with not knowing when it will end, as debt accrues.

There are many "houses" on fire right now. No one and no system is exempt from this crisis, including yoga. All of us, all systems that we have been operating under are either being dismantled, dissolved, uprooted or exposed.  We need to remember that we are all doing the best we can each day as we navigate through the flames and the falling structures. We need to remember the sacred ash that fire leaves in its wake is a rich medium for new life to emerge. Then it will be time to plant the dormant seeds into the ash and compost of 2020. But we have to be patient and wait for the massive amounts of shit to be further broken down into soil. This is the great letting go of everything.

If we are the lucky ones who have the time to practice, we keep up with the practice - wherever we can - so that we can stay mentally and emotionally afloat. That sense of refuge we felt at Sage, we can cultivate in our own little spaces, in our homes, with our family, children, partners, friends, and even more so in our hearts. I will carry forward the many gifts I received from Sage and from Marisa to be transmuted into whatever or wherever yoga takes me, while asking, what wants to be regenerated and birthed from this experience?

Words cannot express how much gratitude I have for Marisa and the Sage community. Thank you to every student who came, whom I had the privilege to share that beautiful space with. I am who I am today because of all you.

An Incomplete Reflection on Climate Change

I've been attending a general sociology class at the University.  And I tell you, nothing is more depressing than taking a microscopic view at all of our social, political, economical and environmental issues. But we cannot change that which we can't see. So here I am taking a good look.

I am fascinated by humans, and our behavior.  And I am increasingly curious to understand how we got to where we are now.

To say the least, we (and I mean mostly we the people of the U.S.) are out of balance from gender issues, to politics, education, prisons, healthcare and the environment in which our life depends on. This week in class we took a look at climate change. I say "take a look" because to call it anything more would be a stretch. The professor tries his best to engage the class in discussion - but he is easily defeated by students, 18-20 year olds, unabashedly engaged with their phones, still with the request to put all screens away. Is this not another reflection of the loss of attention, respect and discipline that is being asked of us? Distraction is at our fingertips. It is now even easier to avoid the pain and discomfort of difficult times, and to our demise, the urgency of it.

The issue of climate change depresses me not just because of how real it is today, and because of the inevitable catastrophes that are already happening and are sure to come in my lifetime.  It depresses me on a soul level because what is happening to planet Earth - whatever fate that might be, whether it's another episode of extinction of all life and eventual regeneration of life due to extreme temperatures, or if she'll allow us to stay and survive technologically dependent, who knows - it is a direct reflection of the cumulation of the underbelly and shadow of humanity. If I choose not to look away - from the protected cushion of privilege - it darkens my soul, and leaves me hopeless.

This video brings tears to my eyes. Sure, there is ebb and flow, and the Earth has her rhythm and cycles that persist regardless of human (and other animal) life. And perhaps we who are alive on the planet are perfectly positioned along Earth's timeline in a rapid transition, a global shift of counterbalance. And, it is clear that we humans have done some serious damage. If we were to have to pay the debt that we owe, we'd pay for eternity. But the Earth, like a forgiving mother, continues to give and give unconditionally; and at times pushed to her edge by her unruly children has no choice but to raise her voice. 

The shrinking of arctic ice aside, this video brings tears to my eyes, as it simulates a pulse and rhythm of breath, no different than our own. Reminding me of how inseparable we are from each other and the planet. As ethereal and utopian it might sound, it is true that we all share the same breath, we are all breathing the same air. Every individual action and thought has consequence whether good or bad.

Which begs the question, how can we believe that our actions are insignificant and inconsequential? How can we not see that excessive pumping of blood from the Earth and burning it wildly does not create heat? How can we not see that cutting and clearing the Amazon rainforest (20% of Earth's oxygen supply) only to be replaced with methane producing livestock does not have a detrimental affect regardless if science can show us how or why? And so much more. The environmental damage done only scratches the surface of our problems.

Perhaps we know this, but are so deeply embedded in a different rhythm, a chaotic free-for-all kind of rhythm, dissonant from the Earth's and destined for destruction that there it is nearly impossible to realign.

However, there is a different story being written and narrated by those who understand and believe that their choices are significant and when added up, can create systemic change. This is known as the the 'butterfly effect'; that a "very small change in initial conditions can create a significantly different outcome". And by those who are bringing forth the science and information, and pushing through resistance. And by those who commune with nature, giving back to the Earth in ways that show honor and reverence. And by those who are elevating consciousness to the degree that choosing another way, beyond the self-interest, and in the interest of sustaining life and living in harmony with each other and the Earth, is but the only choice.

More and more people are waking up and making small yet significant changes. The more that we can do individually, the more collective change can occur.

I know, it seems unfathomable and quite utopian. If you are skeptical that there is even a small chance that we can turn the sinking ship around, think about this. The 'tipping point' is a sociological theory which says that the tipping point is "a point in time when a group - or many group members - rapidly and dramatically changes its behavior by widely adopting a previously rare practice".  Researchers on the subject, say that "just 10 percent of the population holds an unshakable belief, their belief will always be adopted by the majority of the society".   You may have heard of Malcolm Gladwell's book The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference? He goes on to explain some of the key roles that certain people play in setting in motion a tipping point situation.  There are a million examples of how this has already played out, in political campaigns, in advertising and especially social movements, like the 60's liberation, and more the recent MeToo movement.

So why not now with climate change?  Surely at least 10% of U.S. population believe that climate change is real.  Notice the word, unshakable, in the above tipping point definition. I wonder if every action, every choice and thought must reflect that unshakable belief in order for a tipping point to occur.  If so, we as individuals need to make some difficult decisions. Which might mean trading convenience for integrity; comfort for moral; cravings for satisfaction; and most of all money and profit and cheap goods for basic human needs and simplicity. 

Tales from the Heart Cave

As I mentioned before in my last post, the heart cave is an inward journey into heart and soul, where dharma lives.  It turns out that the "heart cave" is not always a physical place; it is barely an allocation of time and space. 

I carry within me the heart cave everywhere I go. 

And thank god, because this is not a time for renunciation. It is not a time to sit for hours in contemplation - at least for me right now. This is a time for balance of action and inaction; balance of Self and other; healing trauma and being in service; retreating and integrating; individualism and the collective. Yes to the rituals of practice, yes to love and light, yes to healing! AND yes to taking action every single day. How each and every one of us chooses to live daily, makes a lifetime; makes a culture, a society. Unless you are completely content with life - this is how we can create change personally and collectively.

Simultaneously we heal and show up for work. Because if we wait until the perfect time, the perfect place, the perfect job, the perfect weight or perfect partner - it will be too late. And besides perfection is completely subjective. As the saying goes, "all is perfectly imperfect".

I am mostly an idealist; and believe that Love and Light will prevail and save us all - someday.
And we need more than that right now. 

~

Part of my intention for taking a break from teaching public classes is to open up mental space and allow me to explore, in more depth, my relationship with yoga. I was suffering from burn out big time. I was dragging myself to teach; uninspired and unmotivated. I was ready to throw in the towel and move on to something else. A break was needed to sort this out. 

When I was on retreat with my teacher Seane Corn in June, I had the joy and privilege to sit eye to eye with her and ask for advice. I asked if she had ever suffered from burn out in her 25 years of teaching and what did she do about it. I was surprised to hear that she never had. But she did offer me some very helpful advice; "take a break." It's that simple. And she shared that practicing and teaching with intention, ritual and prayer has kept her connected and inspired all these years. Okay, got it. I can do that. 

But there is more. I want to be more challenged. I want to have more of an impact. I want to be in service to a cause that can create change for those who need it the most. This has been eating at me for at least a couple years now, if not more.  I am still exploring this; and learning and researching not only the skills required to do so, but also what's in my heart that wants to come forth. At the same time learning to accept that, right now, I am doing enough and doing my best. 

This period of burn out was also saying to me, it's time to either change or quit. Now that I've had some time to reflect, to quit teaching is clearly not the answer. The beautiful thing that happened during this burn out phase is that I became completely unattached to teaching, to the results of it, to the expectations that I have for myself and any perceived expectations from others. It is so liberating! I feel like I can move forward now with less tension, less fear; and with less hesitation to allow what is in my heart to come through. 

I have also wondered if what I was experiencing was really actual burn out or resistance to necessary growth. I believe it's both. Being on the edge or precipice of change, there is almost always tension. Tension manifests in a myriad of ways and is also known as RESISTANCE. For me, it has shown up in my left hip and leg, in my neck, and the moments just before heading to class, throwing a tantrum in my mind; and when I am simultaneously aware of the injustices happening in our country and the world, while I am in my insulated bubble of contentment. 

The burning question remains, "what do I do?!" 

The work always begins within.

Often when we take a good look in the mirror, it can be very enlightening and a good wake up call. I realized I had been slacking in my own practices of yoga on and off the mat. Duh! Of course, this is going to show up when I teach. And how can I ask others to be present with their bodies, to breathe, to reflect their yoga practice off the mat in their relationship with work, family, partners, the Earth basically every choice we make, if I am not not fully doing it myself? Okay, got it. 

First, I need to commit to the choice I made to stay with yoga and evolve. Which means going into the tension, feeling it, and listening to what it has to teach me. Only then will I be able to transform it. That means, showing up on my mat more often. Another huge a-ha moment, which is more of a reminder than anything (thanks again to Seane Corn and her book that just came out, Revolution of the Soul) is that, the yoga really works! I'm reminded that there is so much more happening on the mat than I realize as a teacher - and yes, teaching yoga can be enough, if we allow the yoga to do the work. 

Knowing what I know about yoga and its precepts, yamas and niyamas, its a really good place to start to take action in everyday living. When the amazon rainforest was ablaze this summer from wildfires caused by slash and burn practices to make room for cattle grazing (20% of global trade of beef), I cried. I felt the devestation in my body. I decided to significantly reduce my consumption of meat. Now, I source from local growers and farmers only. Which is more expensive and difficult if not impossible, when eating out. So, that means less consumption. This is only one example of a choice I can make that is aligned with my beliefs and my feelings in my body, and that may have a ripple effect. 

I know there is so much more I can do and am continuing to do, to live in alignment with truth, love, compassion, and respect for the Earth and for each other; and ultimately living in alignment with my heart. 

Entering the Heart Cave

And finally with much consideration and consultation from some of my most revered teachers and friends, I've decided to - at the very least - step away from my weekly public classes, for a sabbatical of sorts. My intention is to zoom out on my life to see the bigger picture; and to get into the heart cave. 

Maybe its a slow unraveling. Or a careful severing of an identity that I have over thirteen years shaped and molded into something I can lean into. (To be clear, the severing is the letting go of any attachment to the identity of me as "yoga teacher", and not a severing of my commitment to show up and teach yoga.)

My yoga life has everything to do with who I am today; and will likely have everything to do with who I am becoming. 

I''m also 42, considerably middle age. It comes as no surprise that I have arrived at crossroads. I feel as if I am at the end of a singular path, and now I'm standing at a juncture where I see a thousand paths to choose from. I've taken to Brene Brown's term a 'the midlife unraveling' over the more notorious phrase "midlife crisis".  A crisis would imply an emergency, instability and an urgency for a decision to be made. Sure, that may also be true for some. When mis-aligned, spirit will continue to speak until heard. It can feel like an emergency. But how I see it is this: it's the need to re-evaluate life. Rather then making hasty decisions that provide only temporary satisfaction and momentary feelings of youthfulness, it is a heart call to deem what is most valuable, most meaningful and to reflect those values upon every facet of life.  It requires serious carving of time and space.
Hence, the heart cave.

For me the "crisis" - if it is one - is coming up against the reality that time is not slowing down. In fact, it seems to be speeding up. It is realizing that there's no more time to waste on living in fear of being honest, of speaking truth (satya), of doing the things that live inside dreams, there is no time to waste on indecision, on confusion and on looking away from the all the disparities; because being disengaged, and numb only perpetuates the suffering.

Entering the heart cave.

Customarily, the cave is a place for solitary meditation and spiritual practices. Going "into the cave" signifies going inward into a place that is dark, damp and of the Earth; like a womb. Intentionally going in, asks that pockets be emptied at the entry, leaving all but the body - the vehicle of the heart and Self. Choosing to go in is equally choosing to let go of attachments that cause confusion of who we truly are. Attachment (aparigraha) is the ego clinging to something - whether it be a material object, a person, or job - that affirms and maintains a sense of identity in relationship to that thing. The thought of not having the thing, is death to the ego, which shows up as fear. Ultimately, rooted in universal fears of abandonment; fear of not belonging; fear of not enough; fear of death itself.

The dark, damp space is also a place where seeds are planted. It is an exceptionally creative space. Seeping with potential. The ego also fears this, because it is unknown territory. As a gardener, it's the dense compost rich with nutrients that is ready for seeds. When the seed is planted it does not question or fear the darkness. It actually needs the dark soil to sprout and the seed simply goes on to be what it is designed to be. This is dharma.

The heart cave is where dharma lives. The heart is where the seed of intention (sankalpa) is planted, and spreads its roots to every cell of the body. This seed is more than intention, it is an undying truth flushed with devotion and love, and is the blueprint of the soul in this life.

Summer Solstice and Ritual

I was reflecting on the rituals that I have practiced in the past on these sacred junctures of time and space; 108 sun salutations, Yoga Trance Dance, mandalas made of fruits and flowers, setting intentions and offering to the fire, meditation at sunrise. This solstice snuck up on me, the last spring equinox came fast and I fell behind, the winter solstice I was quiet and reserved. For the past year or more, these rituals have remained in my heart and my acknowledgment of these points in time are reflected in my day to day living and the energy that is prevalent.  On the solstice I found myself being pushed to the edge of what I can hold as a householder, mom, wife, teacher, friend and mystic. All so equally important to me. 

Summer solstice represents the fullest, the greatest, the peak of light, the most abundant amount of prana all around. Internally and externally. So it is no surprise that the schedule is packed, the weeds in the garden are taking over while most everything is in full bloom. 

The energy leading up to the solstice is very similar to a waxing moon (which was also happening simultaneously); it's like the womb leading up to menstruation; or pressure cooker building heat and pressure. This is prana building, increasing and expanding to its peak capacity. There is no stopping it or slowing it down. How we move and adapt to it is the question and the practice of living yoga. 

The solstice literally means "to stand still" in reference to the sun. But we all know the sun does not stand still, neither does the Earth. Its the point at which we can go no further. Directionally, there's a stopping point. From our perspective, the rising and setting of the sun begins its journey south once again. We change directions. We wane. 

My rituals are much more simple these days. There is beautiful stillness in the early morning hours that is so sweet. I have my coffee, with the back door wide open to cool morning air, I walk around the garden, I watch the bees zooming in and out of their hive, listen to the cooing of the morning doves. And if I see the ants get their wings and fly out from the cracks of the stone pathway, I know it is the solstice. 

What does the solstice mean to you? What rituals -intentional or unintentional- do you recognize?

I love the idea and the practice of sacred rituals not just for the solstice but for many of the junctures that represent a shift or change in direction personally and globally. 

The point of ritual is to provide meaning, from the heart, to something that is often mundane and universal. Perhaps, it is a way honor and recognize the mystery that is at play, to recognize the spiritual heart that each one of our hearts is a part of. 

Manipura Chakra: CORE POWER

We have the energy and power of the sun contained within us. Manipura chakra is the power center, our solar plexus, inner sun. Here we generate power through digestion, assimilation and transformation of latent energy into usable energy. Power is generated through the breakdown of the energy stored in the food we eat, through the expansion of breath, the passion of our hearts desire, from the swelling and regulation of emotions and from our spiritual essence.

This is the place that we hold ourselves together with such strength and fluidity and equally the place of collapse and coiling inward when we cant hold it all together. Structurally, there is only the spine holding the lower and upper parts of the body together. Here, major organs and tissues are soft and squishy, somewhat "unprotected" and vulnerable. We must cultivate personal will and engagement of muscles to build protective strength, to stand up straight and tall, to hold it together. 

Interestingly, this is also where we were connected by a cord of lifeblood in the womb, fully dependent on our mother. And at birth, severed. Giving us no choice but to coil into the Self, and learn our very first lesson of separation. The Self folding in on itself. And still when we are born, we are completely dependent on our caretakers. 

This is one of many paradoxes of the human experience. We are all connected, born of the same blood, dependent on one another. Yet alone in the dense confinement of body and ego. Longing for connection, and the immersion into the sea of Bliss, of God, of Unity consciousness. 

In this separation, ego develops. Because it has to. On our own, ego and fear helps to protect the body from real life threats; like bears, venomous snakes, a cliff's edge. These things remind us of how fragile and vulnerable we are as humans. Ego becomes proud to protect and serve. Power grows and ego grows. But left unchecked, we are burdened with fear and lose connection with the power of our heart and our source. 

When energy is bound or stuck in third chakra, its a good time to look at our relationship with power and control. Too much energy here can often express itself in the need to try to control outcomes, attachment to results, and there can be a deficiency in grounded energy that allows for surrender and letting go; and fear shows up in the unknown, the unpredictable, in the possibility of "losing control."

Not enough energy in third chakra, power is weak, it may be difficult to get anything done, and we lack the power to take necessary action, to stand up for ourself and we allow others to make decisions for us, or be in control. Deficient third chakra energy follows the path of least resistance (energy stuck in lower chakras, as water and Earth do); and/or energy from above - spirit, consciousness, passion - is unable to integrate and assimilate into the body, and again it is difficult to put anything into action, to manifest dreams or visions. Fear can show up in relationship to asserting oneself, in expressing authenticity, fear of judgement and of change.

Without a strong clear grounded lower chakra development (safety and security) we can easily be lost in an on-going identity crisis rooted in the fear of judgement, ridicule, and abandonment from our tribe. And without the descending energy from above, we can feel disconnected to a higher purpose, and forget that our actions have meaning, significance and consequence.

Regardless if our third chakra center is excessive or deficient, the unfounded fear that can show up here holds us back from taking the actions necessary to unleash our potential and the burning desire of the heart (sankalpa). What we need is to bridge the energies of the third and fourth chakras (heart).

The ego, the power and strength of the third chakra can play a supportive roll for the passion and fire of the heart to lead the way.  Just as fire (third chakra) needs air and space to burn efficiently and steadily, we can create an opening in the heart for the fire to breathe our heart's desire into action.

Cherry Blossoms Don't Hustle

Just in one week the cherry blossoms have displayed their brightest magnificence.
How fast things happen.
Vibrant white to wilted brown,
only to turn into something again
something just as magnificent, maybe more.

How fast clear blue sky
goes from wispy little clouds to thunderheads, to rain.
to be renewed again,
back to blue.

Decisions ask for this too.
to be in time, within the moment.
within the flow of things.

Its as if the cherry blossoms say,
Yes! This moment we open.
And the clouds even in their fogginess say a long,
Yeeesss! Now lets move in.

And the wind comes, stirs things up,
only to be settled and sorted so divinely.

This is the flow of life.
No hustling.

The cherry blossoms did not hustled to open.
The clouds did not hustle.

There are times when hustling is a must.
when you are close to your dream and you actually need to move parts around to make a whole. It takes effort. Perhaps more effort then it takes for sap in the cherry tree to rise and push open the blossoms. More effort then the clouds that push through the air to create wind and rain.

More effort then ever before. Because its new territory. and the pushign and the pulling; the hustling is the clearing.

A time comes when hustling is no longer necessary,
and that time is most of the time.

Interrupt Your Life, Take Refuge and Grow

Retreat. The act of withdrawing from a certain position; to pull back; to find refuge. Regardless of what a retreat offers you, whether it be to relax, to restore, to nourish, to study, or to just be. Retreating from our current position of life, from the day to day routine, allows us to pull back the covers, to see from a different perspective the life that we are retreating from and to find refuge in the inherent boundless space of the heart, so that we can more clearly align with our souls purpose and serve from this place. 

Withdraw.

Let's get clear here first. Often this word conjures up some negative reactions. As, to withdraw from a situation, conversation, event, group, experience, or job can be viewed as avoidance, escapism, copping-out. Which could certainly be true if that is a reaction to stress, overwhelm or even trauma. And if so, first and foremost question to ask is, "Am I safe?" If safety is not an issue, perhaps the more poignant question is, "Am I avoiding or checking out on something I actually need to be paying attention to?" Depending on the situation, withdrawing temporarily might still help to gain perspective. 

It is completely normal, natural and at times healthy to develop habitual patterns. There is certainty, and therefore comfort, in the known. And structure, or routine, can be supportive in the sense that our energy is manageable, our nervous system can recalibrate from the exposure to everyday stressors. However, when we stay in one particular pattern for too long, we might be limiting ourselves and be passing by some hidden potential that has been waiting to be ignited or called upon. This is especially true if we actually feel stuck; if we have been working hard and not experiencing the intended results of our actions and not seeing any change. Maybe its time to take a break from the routine, or change it up in a small way. This can create space not just for a different perspective but it can also open up creative potential. Disrupting a pattern yields to new possibilities. To withdraw or retreat can be a gentle interruption of daily routine, and in so doing, what was unseen or hidden in the shadow of potentiality is brought to light.

Refuge.
Going on a retreat is the ultimate refuge. Refuge from the monotony of life, from work life, family life, city life, from stress, environmental and societal threats and so on. A retreat provides the space in which we are no longer at the mercy of the responsibilities, distractions and stress that come with our everyday living. It is by far a privilege, a blessing, a gift to be able to do such a thing. That is why it is important to understand the value of retreating; and to ultimately apply and integrate the experience to our everyday life. A refuge is considered a place of safety, a place of shelter and protection from external threats, be it environmental, societal, cultural or economical. Specifically, a retreat offers a unique opportunity to have all the basic needs (food, shelter, warmth) taken care of, such that you can explore the interior space of the Self, the spiritual heart, without needing to cook, clean and get the kids to bed. Here we can operate less from our ego and more from the heart. The closer we can connect with the energy of the heart, the more we connect with our true Self, our dharma. Taking refuge in the heart does not require one to go on a weeklong retreat, it can happen in a daily 5 minute meditation. However, a extended retreat provides good conditions to interrupt an old pattern and create a new desirable one. 

Integrate.
If a retreat experience is not integrated and applied to your life upon return, that would simply be an extravagant vacation. Interestingly, the antonym of retreat is "advance"; to move forward. So, going on retreat, we have interrupted the pattern, looking at life from a different viewpoint, connected to the spiritual heart in refuge. Now, it is time to maintain that connection the best that we can and bring it back to our family, our friends, colleagues, students, to our art and work in the world. It's nearly impossible to maintain this state of being all the time. So be must be gentle with ourselves. As we weave ourselves back into our lives, what is one or two things from the retreat that can be immediately practiced and added to our daily routine? In addition, to avoid falling back into an old pattern, it might be helpful to make small easy changes at home. Such as, change the furniture arrangement, change something about your morning or nighttime routine, take a different route to work, etc. 

When we return to our lives, we see with new eyes, a new perspective and more connected to the innate energy of well being, there is no choice but to advance and grow and thrive in all that we do! 

CONNECTION

What does it mean to be connected, to feel connected?

I have unknowingly been seeking an answer to this question all my life. Now, I approach it with more curious awareness then from a place of lack, desperation and confusion. I am diving deep into it. 

I am curious of how we are able to connect in a world that is technologically driven, a world that fosters independence over collaboration, a world that is increasingly divisive despite our efforts and claims of being united and inclusive.

I'm exploring this not because I want to fix what is broken; thats too much a burden to bear. Although the idealist in me, believes there is still time to turn the sinking ship around. I am curious, because at the root of many of our problems is a loss of human connection and loss of self-worth; and we are desperately seeking just that.

I am remembering all the times when I felt disconnected, abandoned and alone. Growing up with uncertainty and insecurity, new kid at school, dumped by my first boyfriend, that first night I arrived to India all alone (happened to be New Years Eve), the days following spent in the ashram, and all the days in between where I did not belong to groups, circles, programs that I desperately wanted to be a part of.  Even when I was a part of one of those programs, surrounded by mostly kind and loving people, I felt alone.

It turns out, being in the presence of a group of seemingly likeminded people, feelings of disconnection and not belonging still arise. In some cases, even more so. The longing to connect persists; and the feeling of wholeness remains just out of reach, loneliness and depression only dig their heels in deeper. I believe the sense of disconnection relates to lack of purpose. Misalignment. Latent dharma.

So, what constitutes true connection?

I am remembering all the times when I have felt truly whole and connected. When I worked as a field biologist in the mountains hiking for 10 hours a day, mostly alone; island hopping on a boat in Indonesia; yoga teacher trainings, classes and workshops; meeting my husband; the one rare moment at the ashram; holding my baby; in meditation whether it be seated, walking, surfing; listening to my friends' pain and holding her while she cries; in my garden. So many moments of connection.

This is what I know so far. Being able to truly connect, whether it be to Self or to another person or group of people, is not based on shared values, belief systems, culture or race, age or gender. It happens when we are vulnerable, in the experience of pain and joy and freedom. When we are aligned with the truth of our heart.

For me it has been a journey inward. Into the depths of my heart and soul. I go there through yoga, through nature, and through the raw truth of pain and joy. When I reflect on all those varied moments of true connection, there is a common thread of being able to let go of the shit that gets in the way of real eminent presence.


To be continued....

2018, I Am Listening

I feel like I'm late in the game of new years ritual, intention setting, goal setting, chanting of mantras and voicing dreams to the universe. Honestly, I wasn't ready.  There were birthdays, Christmas, dates with friends, teaching, chores, packing and preparations for travel. Life.

The ticking of time continues regardless of my conscious participation in it or not. Even when it feels like time is speeding beyond what I can keep up with, I am committed to being as present as possible in the moment. When life is full, the call to meditate, reflect and dream rings louder.

Reflection simply requires carving out empty space along times' continuum.

Whether it is January first, spring equinox, or middle of summer, I love to etch words in a cleanly swept slate, and offer the past to the fire. I do it whenever its necessary. Sometimes daily. Yet, there is value in taking a bit more time to reflect on an entire year and dream of whats to come in the next.

There is power in the collective momentum of the New Years resolve and a strong source of will power to fuel cleansing of bad habits.  Even though I unwittingly did not participate in any new years resolve, I am reflecting on how my time was spent leading up to it and when it turned over. 

I lay in bed, sick as hell, at my grandmothers house in Phoenix; nearly half way on our journey down south to Mexico. Its been awhile since I've actually been sick. I tend to seek messages in illness. Often it is physical manifestation of some unseen, unfelt, unexpressed energy. Energy moves and, if there is a block, accumulates, no matter what.  I had no choice but to surrender to whatever it was that needed to move through me in the form of fever, aches and pains. Knowing that I'd come out the other side feeling a sense of renewal. I always do.

In hindsight, I actually was unintentionally wiping the slate clean. An initiation into 2018 of sorts. I have no idea what 2018 has in store for me. And I don't want to pretend that I do, because life is unpredictable. To quote Mary Oliver, “Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.” 

All I know is what I am committed to. And I trust that my affirmed commitments will lend themselves to further alignment of my heart, my dharma with universal dharma, with Truth. And all I know is what is behind me and I am grateful for all of it.

I am committed to hearing, speaking and living truth; I am committed to being a present momma, a present wife to my very supportive loving husband. I am committed to serving others in seeking truth and honest expression of their hearts call. I am committed to my yoga and meditation practice which keeps me connected, grounded, and spacious. I am committed, with respect and reverence, to tending to the my Earth body and the Earth herself as the ground of being, as the altar of life,  as an expression of shakti.

If I had to choose a mantra for 2018 and offer it into the collective river of intention, it would be:
I am listening. 

Response to Metoo

I can't look away, I can't stay silent and I don't know what to say.

I deeply respect and admire those who are courageously sharing their story. Yes, it is forward movement towards healing on the individual level. Acknowledgement, awareness is where it begins. 

The cultural shadow of sexual abuse, assault and harassment that is hidden, suppressed, fed and continues to grow is beyond disturbing and frustrating. It triggers me. It breaks my heart into a million pieces. Not necessarily because of any personal story. It triggers me because of the power that is stripped of an individual and degree of suffering that is left to be endured. And because its just wrong. It triggers me because somewhere in my soul I took a vow. A vow to be a voice for change (I am still sorting this out with my embodied self), to speak truth and in some cases stand up for injustice.

So, when I would rather turn off my news feed and bliss out with my yoga, some chocolate and wine. I don't, I keep reading. When I would rather disengage and pretend I am separate from the ones speaking up, and who are hurting. I don't. I keep feeling it. When I would rather stay silent, because I don't know what to say. I don't. I keep listening for the words to come.

Being engaged in the difficult conversation and dialogue is where the healing can move forward and beyond acknowledgement and awareness. I am not going to pretend that I am an expert or even well versed on this complicated and tragic subject, or that I have any answers, or that I can begin to understand the pain and suffering that some have gone through.

I will share my thoughts and perspective in the most sensitive way I can.

All stories are valid and personal. And sharing is important in the healing process. The healing process can and most often does involve expressing anger, blame, rage, sadness, and more. The healing process will look differently for each individual based on his or her experience. How these stories unfold and are received will be different. I don't see that grouping all the stories into one hashtag or meme, will help us to heal on a cultural and/or systemic level.  Posting "me too", whether conscious or unconscious of the dynamic between victim (mostly women) and perpetrator (mostly men) that is being played out, is inadvertently blaming and shaming a whole population of people, men in this case; and may be contributing to an already huge divide between men and women.

As I said earlier, it can be healing and empowering to be able to have a platform to share and speak up. Perhaps, social media is not the best place for this? Yet at the same time, this is where we have the potential to create a movement, because there is mass collective attention there.

If we truly want to create change from the inside out we need to be careful not to perpetuate separation in the process. Change begins with each individual. Each one of us must do the inner work of self-compassion and forgiveness so we can rise up and out of blame, shame and guilt (victim consciousness) in order to make a difference on the collective level. And it requires everyone doing the work.  

We are not free until ALL are free. When we do our work to heal our personal traumas, we have greater capacity to take action, and serve where we need to from a place of compassion, forgiveness and understanding.

My hope is that in sharing this offers perspective and is in no way blaming anyone. This is a systemic cultural problem and there is no easy solution. Engaging in the conversation and listening to each individual story is a start.

Yoga Retreat in Sayulita Mexico

Yoga Retreat

Sayulita Mexico

January 15-20, 2018

with Marcy Midnight ERYT

The first time I went to Sayulita was back in 2003. We arrived with our newly shaped surfboards and landed there for a month. Sayulita was a small quiet fishing village nestled within the coastal jungle hills overlooking the Pacific ocean. The surf wave breaks on sand just off shore and was the perfect wave for us. We could literally roll out of bed and check the conditions. It was perfect. The town of Sayulita was very quaint and relaxed. We fell in love with the place.

We have continued to return to Sayulita over the years. In fact, Guy proposed to me there! When I had started my yoga teaching journey I had always imagined leading a yoga retreat there. I'd be in the ocean waiting for waves and I'd look up over to the big palapas on the hillside (Villa Amor) and would envision a yoga retreat there.

Nearly 15 years later, since our first visit to Sayulita, we return again for over a month to escape the January winter, to surf, to yoga, to chill. Sayulita has grown for sure. However, the town still holds its magical beauty and laid back atmosphere.

And I will lead a yoga retreat at Villa Amor!

This retreat will be about YOU and taking time out your daily routine, daily living to reflect, restore, and revive. And of course to escape January in Boise. I have intentionally left plenty of unscheduled time to rest, play, and explore. The town of Sayulita has many great shops, restaurants, there are nearby beaches to explore, surfing and paddleboarding!

About Villa Amor

Villa Amor is nestled at the southern end of Sayulita’s picturesque bay. It is only a 45 minute drive from the Puerto Vallarta International Airport (PVR), but a world away from the all-inclusive hotels, hi-rises, and cacophonous crowds.

Whimsical… Rustic… Eclectic… Magical. Villa Amor… A rhythm of organic architecture and natural beauty set within the most exquisite scenery Sayulita has to offer.

Villa Amor is an inspired collection of 26 oceanfront villas, each uniquely designed and individually decorated – a wondrous fusion of creativity and old world charm. Most villas boast stunning views of the ocean and coastline, lush jungle hillsides, and the surfing / fishing village down the road. You will never want to leave – but if you do it’s only a few steps to gold-sand beaches and a flat 10-minute walk to town.
~~~

EARLY BIRD! (before Aug 15)
$890- $1025 Double Occupancy
$1330- $1630 Single Occupancy

After Aug 15 $1015- $1150 Double Occupancy $1455- $1755 Single Occupancy After October 15 $1140- $1275 Double Occupancy $1580- $1880 Single Occupancy
Price varies based on villa/room. See details below for more information about the individual villas/accommodations. What's included:

• 5 nights lodging at the gorgeous Villa Amor (includes paddleboards/boogie board rentals, beach towels, daily maid service, daily refill of coffee amenities, drinking water, swimming pool, awesome views, walking distance into town)
• transportation to and from PVR airport
• breakfast each morning  (I intentionally left lunch and dinner open because Sayulita is so fun to explore! However, there is a on-site restaurant at the villas)
• 10- 2 HR yoga sessions in the yoga palapa with Marcy Midnight
• plenty of time to relax, lay on the beach, surf, paddleboard and explore the town of Sayulita! 

~~~

The Villas

(Click each Villa link to view additional photos and info)

Flores- SOLD OUT
138 stairs, ocean view, private pool, 2 bedrooms with king bed or two twins

Before Aug 15
$1025 Double (4)
$1600 Single (2)

After Aug 15
$1150 Double
$1725 Single

After Oct 15
$1275 Double
$1850 Single




Mar Vida - SOLD OUT
108 stairs, partial ocean view, shared studio space king bed or two twins.

Before Aug 15
$910   double occupancy (2)
$1400 single occupancy (1)

After Aug 15
$1035 double
$1525 single

After Oct 15
$1160 double 
$1650 single


Buena Vida -SOLD OUT
108 stairs, no view, shared studio space, king bed or two twins

Before Aug 15
$890 double occupancy (2)
$1330 single occupancy (1)

After Aug 15
$1015 double
$1455 single

After Oct 15

-->$1140 double

-->$1580 single

Linda
Ideal for a couple, your own private studio, king bed, no stairs, partial ocean view

Before Aug 15

-->$1630
After Aug 15

-->$1755
After Oct 15

-->$1880



Del Sol- SOLD OUT
23 stairs, private jacuzzi, ocean view, 2 bedrooms with king bed or two twins

Before Aug 15

-->$960   double occupancy
-->$1470 single occupancy
After Aug 15
$1085 double
$1595 single

After Oct 15
$1210 Double
$1720 Single


Mar y Sol
14 stairs, ocean view, 2 bedrooms with king bed
or two twins

Before Aug 15
$1006 Double
$1562 Single

After Aug 15
$1131 Double
$1687 Single

After Oct 15
$1256 Double
$1812 Single

Register Now!
or contact Marcy directly
208-484-6646   
marcy.midnight@gmail.com


Payment and Cancellation policies
Payment is due in full according to dates above. 

If payment is paid in full before August 15 cancellation 90 days in advance (before or on October 15) you are eligible for 90% full refund. If you cancel after October 15 and before December 15, you are eligible for 50% refund. Cancellation after December 15, no refund is available. 

If payment is paid in full after August 15, cancellation 90 days in advance (before or on October 15) you are eligible for 50% full refund. Cancellation after October 15, no refund is available.