Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Finding Comfort in Discomfort

We are on the other side now. As I sit here in front of the sunny window, the sun is already at the top of the pine tree in my view, whereas a month ago it was about half the pine tree. Light is back. And its gaining momentum. But its still very cold. And I welcome the desire to stay put, inside. This hibernation is no where close to its end. There is still some good inner work to be done.

The darkest time of the year, for me, is the most challenging. Naturally, I contract, go deep inside and reflect (more than I would on a bright expansive summer day) and try to find a lot of solo time; at the same time externally being pulled in many tempting directions.

There is a potency, during the last couple weeks of December, as we literally turn from dark to light, from 2012 to 2013, from one way of being to another, one habit to another. Although we are on the other side of it, we are still marinating in its juice. As this shift occurs, there is so much insight, information, ideas, aha moments that become available to us. However, our inner ears and eyes have to be available to receive. To listen. To see. And I think that is why many of us feel deep down that we need to just chill (by the fire of course). But we usually don't. The more we can allow ourselves to "hibernate", we soften and become more receptive to what we need and what is being offered.

So I got the flu. And it knocked me down. I tried to get up at first. But it pushed me down again the next day. I gave in; surrendered to getting it. And I even said out loud, "okay, show me what you got. Do whatever you need to do, so that I can move through this."  I let it do its work on me; and let my cells do its work on it. They battled it out big time. On every bone, joint, muscle fiber and cell in my body. It was quite transformative.

As I very slowly recovered, gaining more energy each day, I discovered new appreciation for health. I became, and continue to be, much more gentle on myself in all ways. My speech was especially mindful, and slower. Movements of my body became more careful and intentional. And I decided to pay attention to triggers that send me into stress mode, and decided to not respond to those triggers if I can help it. Surprisingly, its been working! And it feels really really good.

One great insight I have had during this shift, is the need to for stability and wellness in my body. Meaning, getting more familiar with my physical layer, and actually listening to what its saying and giving it what it needs. About the same time I picked up the book by Mr. Iyengar, Light on Life, and it has been speaking directly to me.

"Learn to find comfort even in discomfort. We must not try to run from the pain but to move through and beyond it. This is the cultivation of tenacity and perserverance, which is a spiritual attitude toward yoga. This is also the spiritual attitude toward life."