Saturday, August 17, 2013

I Am Yoga


I am grateful for the beautiful teachers that I have in my life. In the last few weeks I have received the most profound teaching there is from multiple teachers. Strangely showing up just about the same time. 

First, so hum meditation reintroduced to me by my mentor, healer, guide and friend. Of course this is not the first encounter with this meditation. I have intellectually known about it for as long as I've been studying yoga, but have never really considered practicing it, until now. So hum is sanskrit for "I am that". That, being all of creation, God, the source, spirit, the light. Also, the rhythm of so hum coincides with the rhythm of the breath. To practice this meditation, as you inhale, say "so" internally, as you exhale say "hum". When I practice this now, I immediately shift from the thinking mind to my body, and to my inner light of being. And I know that this was not easily accessible if I was to practice it say, one or five years ago. I can actually feel it now. 

To read more about so hum meditation, check out this article written by, my primary teacher Shiva. 

Secondly, I was able to receive the "I am that" during my own practice. However, it was my dear friend and massage therapist, who suggested that when I go to practice yoga that I try to really receive yoga in my body, to unify with yoga, rather than doing or separating myself from the practice. A few days after our session, I went to my mat and invoked the sankalpa, "thank you yoga, I love you, I receive your teachings." Finishing in the end with seated meditation the overwhelming message was, "I am yoga". Which at first was sort of a "duh", because yoga being unity, and the yoking of all layers of the Self to integrate into One. The message was profound because, this was not the common language used when practicing. Most often, my mind is thinking, "I am doing yoga," and usually still in the ego saying, "If I do this pose, than I will be better." When "I am yoga" mantra plays out, I notice my mind slows down, I am truly listening to my body, the practice becomes more aligned with what I need at the time and creative energy flows more naturally.

Thirdly, Wayne Dyer. I came across a talk he presented at Wanderlust Speakeasy last year. This was my first encounter with this amazing teacher. Its funny how simple and perhaps elementary his teachings are for the spiritually awakened. But what I am finding out is, there is a huge difference between knowing something and feeling something. When the lesson is learned and embodied than it is truly integrated and can have profound affects. Thinking positive is not enough. I need to feel positive.

Here is the link for the talk: Wayne Dyer at Wanderlust

To truly receive, we must be able to ease open the walls that we have built around us that we have used as protection. These walls once served a purpose and perhaps still do. Before releasing these protective shields, we first need to build a strong center within our Self, within our heart, before breaking open. We must be ready. It might take ten years or one. When our soul longs to reach out and interact with other souls, to reflect on itself, to experience this embodiment; the walls, big or small, need come down and we are ready to receive. When the body, the mind, the heart and spirit are ready to let go of the holding, a new world opens up. Manifestation becomes possible, abundance is prevalent, anything is possible when communing with the One or all of creation. The simple meditation of so hum is communing with the One and only, and can be very powerful.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Summer is Time Stretching Itself

Summer is time stretching itself to its outer limits, and with time there is space, it takes time to create space. Time and space weave together like a river bank holds the river, continuously flowing fast or slow, carving, eroding, shifting and stabilizing. One cannot exist without the other. Our body is like this. Bones stabilizing the flow of prana as it moves through each muscle as it contracts and releases, through every artery and vein, through each nerve ending. Be like the river and let it flow.

This is not a time for contraction or making ourselves small. This is a time for peeling ourselves open and rising up to our greatest self, to align with the light of the sun and the divine light within. It takes time to open. We can cultivate patience in the space in between each layer as it dissolves during the potency of our practice, during each release of the breath. Effort can be shifted from the ambitious mind to the softening of muscles unnecessarily gripping and holding. Let go of that which is holding you back and the river will carry you to the space where you belong.

Truth lives in the heart and truth wants to be known. It will seek a way out and seek its way in, filling space. The spine being the bed of this truth, kundalini moves through like the river. With backbends we  gently remove the dams, and the debris, the stagnation, to create continual circulation of prana-shakti. We stretch up, forward and back, side to side letting it in and out like the pulse of a bubbling river. Aligning with it, flowing with it. And thus, riding the rhythm of time and filling the space with the truth of who we are.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

How Yoga Has Recently Changed My Life

Waking up early and doing yoga. So simple, but the sustained effort required is complicated.

Most of my yogic life I have practiced in the afternoon or evening, or whenever I can squeeze it in. Before I had my daughter, I had a regularly scheduled job, in which I wasn't willing to wake up at 6am for yoga before going to work, I'd do it later (common excuse that runs through the mind with anything that requires effort). Plus, doing it in the afternoon felt better. Muscles are awake, blood is flowing and was a great antidote to the workday life. Than I became mom. Yoga found its way in at nap times, in the afternoon. My daughter turns three this June and she has been sleeping soundly through the night for about two months now. Needless to say, I am too. Which means I can spend less time sleeping because the time I do sleep is really good restful sleep. In the mist of night after night of multiple wakings... I dreamt of a time when I would be able to wake up (well rested) before my daughter, about 6 or 6:30, do some yoga and wake up quietly so that my day would begin with ritual, with clarity and a feeling of being connected to myself and something greater.

A yogini's dream came true!

Benefits of my newly established daily morning practice:
  • Calm and grounded. So much so, that it feels a little foreign. I sometimes find myself wanting more coffee because my nervous system has been so familiar with being on edge from inadequate sleep. 
  • Radiant and more alive! Increased flow of life force energy or prana has been sent through my whole body and has ignited every cell. This happens during practice at anytime of day. But now I am able to enjoy the yoga glow for the entire day, rather than half the day.
  • Mental clarity. Asana practice helps to dissipate excess, scattered mental energy throughout body. Having done this first thing, my mind is clear of what to-do's.
  • Satisfaction or santosa. I no longer have to "think" or stress about how I will squeeze my practice into my day. I am able to be more present with people and circumstances. There is satisfaction in achieving a difficult task (like, getting out of bed and getting a sleepy body moving) that has really good health benefits. I feel happy and proud with my choice, which percolates into other areas of life too, resulting in better choices overall.
  • Established effort, tapas. The more I do it, the more I cant live without it! Doing yoga at the same time everyday creates the habit. It requires the ability to see beyond the difficulty, and look into the benefits that come later. Once tapas is established it is like a steady burning fire that never goes out. Awareness is always present to add fuel to the fire to keep it going. 

Initiating a morning yoga practice

Some might be able to plan it and get the habit right away. Others, like myself, need to take steps to get it going. First, I made the decision to do it. I started to naturally wake up (I don't use an alarm) between the hours of 5-7am. Not that I would always wake up at that time. Many days I would lay there and think about doing yoga, and I'd fall back asleep, than wake up again about an hour later and would still have time to get up and do at least 20 minutes. It progressed into getting up when I first woke up. Yes, sometimes (but rarely now) it is 5am! It is best to wake up when you first wake in the morning, if you fall back asleep your body goes into another sleeping cycle which sometimes requires 2 hours, and typically we are obligated to wake up before than. So, we interrupt the cycle, waking up more tired and groggy.

Some of us depend on the alarm. I would suggest setting it earlier and earlier each day; 10 minutes each day until reached ideal wake up time. That means, maybe you only do 10-20 minutes of yoga to start. Maintaining that rhythm as long as your ready for more. Quality over quantity.

Secondly, I gave myself permission to do other morning rituals first before yoga. Brush teeth, scrape tongue, drink lemon juice water, neti pot, and yes, a cup of coffee. Than come to the mat.

Additional tips:

  • find a video to help initiate and inspire; eventually moving into own practice
  • get everything ready the night before; get tea/coffee and lemon water ready, clothes, set out yoga mat, prepare music if you practice with music.
Be gentle with yourself. Any amount of yoga practice is better than none; whether its 10 minutes in the morning or 10 minutes in afternoon...

Happy practice!









Thursday, March 14, 2013

Promises to Keep

I will wake up today, I will breathe.
I promise to be breathe deeper.
I will stand on two feet and claim this body.
I will become who I already am.
Life will move me awake.
I will step onto a bed of coals and unveil the mystery.

I will believe lies and I will lie too.
I promise to discover the truth.
I will peel open the rind of my heart, because this time around, its okay.
I will love and be loved, it is a birthright.
I promise, I will.

I will laugh, cry, scream and be silent,
I promise to laugh a lot.
I will blame you for the way I am,
I will forgive.
I will remember who I am.
I promise, I will.

I will run like a gazelle, fast and keen, to the other side of the Earth and back again.
I will bow to the beggar and say thank you for asking.
I will bow to the teacher and say thank you for your light, now I see.
With my hand on my heart, I will bow to myself, and say I see you too.
I promise, I will do that.

I will change today, because the world needs me now.
When my voice shakes with fear,
I promise to speak up.
I will fall flat and short,
I will rise up, and hold myself tall, I am human after all.
I will fly.
I promise you that.

I will search for something, to find it is endless.
My child's eyes will bring me back.
I will play hide and seek with her.
I will hold her tiny hand and let her show me the way.
I promise I will.

My dreams cannot wait,
I will live them now.
I will believe that.
I will doubt it too.
I promise to dream big!

I cannot promise I will always be here.
I will return to dust,
I will return to the ocean, drown in its ecstasy.
but don't hold your breath.
I promise I will return.

I promise I will forget these promises.
I promise to remember.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Prepare for Take Off


Like a seed and all its potential, we are ready burst open with the next beautiful warm sunny day. But the seed does not. It is patient. It unfolds gradually. We too must have patience, nurture and provide the right conditions for the unfurling of the seed within our heart.

March is like this: we pull and stretch outward playing, rejoicing the sun, going in a million different directions. Next thing we know its blowing hail and were back inside waiting it out. Its good to get clear on the direction we wish to go, so that when we have that boost of energy and we want to fly out of the cave, we know exactly where we are going. Our boundless energy needs to be directed to something that sustains us, something that fills us up again and again, something good for ourself and the world. For me, it is often challenging to focus on one particular area of life. So, it requires a little digging. I clean my living space. Make some lists. Get organized. And do some yoga. All with the intention of clearing and cleaning my internal and external spaces (they reflect one another).
These are questions I am asking myself now:

What do I want to offer the world?
How do I want the world to see me?
What am I going to grow this season?

This month, in our sadhana, we first clear, give ourself permission to sweat out stickiness, create a lot of flow in the body; to gain clarity on our seed of intention to put forth into the "light" half of the year. We will become more familiar with mula bandha, our root; engage with it, seal any energetic leaks, and contain our own vitality. Finally towards end of March, knowing fully where we stand, we unfold, reach out, and take off!


Mula Bandha
Physical location of mula bandha is the cervix for women and perineum for men. To find mula bandha (in seated or standing) think of lifting your pubis bone upward, feel those subtle muscles contract? Or think of when you need to go pee, and you hold it in.

Mula bandha is responsible for re-directing the downward flow of prana, apana vayu. It seals prana in the body, preventing any energy leaks. We gain and sustain more vitality by doing this. (from Yoga Darshan, by Swami Niranjanananda Saraswati)


Excercising mula bandha will enable us to learn to contain our energy. Just when we feel like letting it all out, bursting open...we need to pause. Pull it in. Seal any leaks.
Contain, sustain and than expand!





Thursday, February 7, 2013

"Let Your Heart Be Known"

To live from the heart. Its a concept that is difficult to grasp and find words for. Believe me, I am no expert on this subject; I'm just beginning to understand it. But when we are there, we know it to be so true, so aligned with something powerful beyond our reasoning mind. I think, living from the heart suggests acting from a place of love, gratitude, respect, truth, and certainty. All virtues that don't always come easy. One yoga practice that encompasses it all is Bhakti. Bhakti yoga is the yoga of devotion, of service to something greater than our physical self. It is a practice of ultimate service to the divine.

Being in service is an act of love. We are truly in service when we act consciously, with the intention to provide a pathway or opening for truth to be expressed. Bhakti, service to divine, does not know expectation or obligation, its a practice that comes when love is embodied and there is a sense that that love is a part of a whole and longs for connection to it.

When we can be in service to our highest potential, so many possibilities open up. Being in service to our own potential is enough, because once we choose to do so, we have given ourself permission to journey to an unknown place of possibility. We begin to break off the restrictive armor, and trust that what is held inside needs to, and will, find its way out and be offered to others. Being in service to our hearts' deepest desire, is ultimately being in service to everyone; we offer our True self, our Dharma, in pure authenticity.
And this is the greatest gift of all!

This month is dedicated to love. In class, we will be literally lifting our hearts up as an offering to its own potential, dissolving constrictive boundaries we have placed around the heart field, creating lots of space for the flow of love.

Even if you choose to look the other way on February 14, do so as an opportunity to express real devotional love to yourself. Stand up for what it means to you. Hold your heart and all its contents up to the world. Others will feel it and will be inspired to do the same.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Finding Comfort in Discomfort

We are on the other side now. As I sit here in front of the sunny window, the sun is already at the top of the pine tree in my view, whereas a month ago it was about half the pine tree. Light is back. And its gaining momentum. But its still very cold. And I welcome the desire to stay put, inside. This hibernation is no where close to its end. There is still some good inner work to be done.

The darkest time of the year, for me, is the most challenging. Naturally, I contract, go deep inside and reflect (more than I would on a bright expansive summer day) and try to find a lot of solo time; at the same time externally being pulled in many tempting directions.

There is a potency, during the last couple weeks of December, as we literally turn from dark to light, from 2012 to 2013, from one way of being to another, one habit to another. Although we are on the other side of it, we are still marinating in its juice. As this shift occurs, there is so much insight, information, ideas, aha moments that become available to us. However, our inner ears and eyes have to be available to receive. To listen. To see. And I think that is why many of us feel deep down that we need to just chill (by the fire of course). But we usually don't. The more we can allow ourselves to "hibernate", we soften and become more receptive to what we need and what is being offered.

So I got the flu. And it knocked me down. I tried to get up at first. But it pushed me down again the next day. I gave in; surrendered to getting it. And I even said out loud, "okay, show me what you got. Do whatever you need to do, so that I can move through this."  I let it do its work on me; and let my cells do its work on it. They battled it out big time. On every bone, joint, muscle fiber and cell in my body. It was quite transformative.

As I very slowly recovered, gaining more energy each day, I discovered new appreciation for health. I became, and continue to be, much more gentle on myself in all ways. My speech was especially mindful, and slower. Movements of my body became more careful and intentional. And I decided to pay attention to triggers that send me into stress mode, and decided to not respond to those triggers if I can help it. Surprisingly, its been working! And it feels really really good.

One great insight I have had during this shift, is the need to for stability and wellness in my body. Meaning, getting more familiar with my physical layer, and actually listening to what its saying and giving it what it needs. About the same time I picked up the book by Mr. Iyengar, Light on Life, and it has been speaking directly to me.

"Learn to find comfort even in discomfort. We must not try to run from the pain but to move through and beyond it. This is the cultivation of tenacity and perserverance, which is a spiritual attitude toward yoga. This is also the spiritual attitude toward life."